Saturday, January 29, 2011

Work, Writing, House, Kiddo: Or, Three Jobs and a Baby

In the spirit of my recent "what was I thinking" theme, here's a list of all the things I didn't realize would happen when I decided that simultaneously working two jobs and becoming a new mom would be easy.

New working moms may experience one - or more likely, all - of the following:

1.Between you, the jobs, and the baby, someone isn't getting a bath. Most often, it's you.

2.You will eat anything that's put in front of you, as long as it doesn't have tentacles and isn't moving.

3. Actually, edit #2. You will eat anything that's put in front of you. Period.

4.Because of #2 and #3, you will remain fat. In all the wrong places.

5.Because of #4, someone will inevitably ask, "Have you had that baby yet?" You will have to decide between answering, "Yeah, three months ago (jackass)" and stabbing that person in the eye with a fork.

6. While we're on that topic, you will sometimes feel wildly emotional. This will cause you to use a lot of exclamation marks in your writing. Please remove them! Yay!!

7. While feeling wildly emotional, do not decide that it's time to finally shop for a new pair of "button" (i.e. not maternity) jeans. This experience will nearly kill you, and may leave you crying like a six year old in a Target dressing room.

8. The same goes for the first time you wear those jeans. You may or may not feel like the equivalent of a rhino in a leotard.

9. After that moment, you come to a new low. Remember making fun of your mother and grandmother for the industrial body armor they insisted on wearing under their clothes? You now own, like, four sets.

10. But you know what? The baby is always worth it. Even when he craps all over you. Which he will.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Holy F


It's scary as hell.

Let's overlook the fact that, once you become a parent, you also become entirely responsible for someone else's well-being - physical, mental, spiritual, psychological, etc. And let's overlook the fact that, as the old cliche goes, kids don't come with instruction manuals.

Instead, I'd like to discuss the incredibly unfair circumstances that leave a child at his most vulnerable, medically, while he can't a) tell you what's wrong, or b) take anything for his illnesses.

Seriously - nothing. No antibiotics, no cough medicine, no Benadryl. We can't even give him acetaminophen for the fever. All we can give him is food which he won't even, love that he doesn't notice because he's so sick, and mist from a humidifier that looks like a frog.

So, to repeat another cliche...this stuff is NOT for sissies.

Friday, January 14, 2011

It's ALIVE!!!!

Can you believe it's been almost 5 months since I've posted here?!?

What's wrong with me to cause such an unacceptable delay? Aside from the more obviously flaws (trying to beat you to the punch, Peanut Gallery), I have some seriously amazing excuses.

First - the Impending Child is no longer impending! Wyatt Edwin Hudson was born at 1:37 pm, November 8th, 2010, weighing in at 8 pounds and measuring 21 inches in length. (Judging by the fact that I'm only 64 inches long, you can guess why my last trimester wasn't rife with blog posts. Just lots of languishing on my couch and complaining.)

Here's a picture of the second most handsome guy in my life. (I'm contractually obligated to give my husband first place.)

Isn't he kind of a doll?

Then on to my second piece of amazing news - we have a cover for HEREAFTER! You might have already seen this image floating around the web, but now you get an up-close view of this gorgeousness. Not to get all slobbery, but isn't it just dreamy? This isn't absolutely final, since my brilliant design team is going to add some blurbs I've received from some equally brilliant YA authors, but...still. LOVE this.